Saturday, August 22, 2009

I'm God

contemplando en el Iztaccihuatl

"If you were God what would you feel,
do, or think about the world today. "

I'm God, and I'm pretty happy with the way things are on Earth. Planet Urdy, on the other hand, 21 light years away, is another story. I'll use discretion by saying if you don't like locusts, or unhealable boils, or hail mixed with fire, I wouldn't go visiting there any time soon.

Earth used to be my problem child until I sent an ambassador there several years ago and cleaned up the place. Sure, you still cuss, and I still hear my name said in vain, but that bothers me only if I'm actually listening; otherwise, I couldn't care less. Sin is still around, but I've gotten used to it. I don't like it, but I've gotten used to it. Put it this way: there used to be a hell of a lot more lightning bolts when I was younger. Now, I've gotten more mellow as I've aged (agelessly).

I don't visit Earth like I used to. Used to be, I was there every week. Now it's just another orb on my radar screen. Thank God! (Yes, I am allowed to say that.) Used to be, I had the route memorized. Now I have to pay attention.

Earth? I'm trying to think of some recent highlights. Some islanders got together the other day and asked me to put a thumb in their volcano, but that's not how things work I told them. Some bigwig offered to buy me a church or two if I could get him out of jail early, but I said there would have to be a virgin-volcano sacrifice, and I never heard back. A kid wanted a bicycle for Christmas, so I re-directed him to you-know-who.

I don't get involved as much as I used to, but I still help out. For instance, a lady prayed last week that she would get to work on time, so I relented and made a red light turn green early. Things like that please me. Some guy prayed his computer was not fried--it was--but I undid the damage, using a complicated algorithm that I came up with on the spot. It was a lot of work but worth it.

Overall, I'm very pleased with Earth, and its humans and especially its animals. The insects I'm still not keen on.

My next Big Visit will be approximately December 2012, but that's only to say "Hi," and I'm not sure if it will cause any waves -- or tidal waves.
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