Saturday, July 25, 2009

Sharing (a cold)

January 10, 2007Image via Wikipedia

I had a cold and thought I would share it with someone, specifically my dog Molly, because she gave me a cold last winter, and it was a nasty cold, with sneezing fits and a bad cough and, had I barked like her, I'm sure I would have sounded stuffed-up like she did. So Molly was definitely a candidate.

Another candidate was my co-worker Chris who phoned me at 2 a.m. to talk about a personal situation involving him and his girlfriend and I couldn't get back to sleep and my work suffered badly that day and it was like I was in a nightmare with only two hour's sleep. So he could use some payback.

Another candidate was whoever planned on stealing my Bic lighter -- again. So I breathed all over it and kissed it.

Another candidate was my ex-wife who occasionally got angrily in my face. Her saliva I was familiar with when married to her. I was intimately familiar to her spittle after she left. If she confronted me that week, I knew she had a shot.

Who else? My ex-brother-in-law, whom I sometimes saw at the gym, and who still owed me $500 from a lost bet. My only shot at him was in the steam room, where he couldn't see me, and I could sneak up beside him and start breathing heavily into his panting mouth. He would definitely get ill but I wasn't sure I could live with myself.

In the end, I decided against infecting anyone, since I wasn't positive I didn't get it spontaneously, on my own. I wore a dust mask that week and inhaled my own fumes and I ended up getting sick twice.
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