Stoner/Drunk elements of style

Image by zappowbang via Flickr

I'm writing this stoned out of my mind. When I'm stoned, I'm concerned about punctuation, which is why I'm using a keyboard now, because it has all the symbols (at my fingertips). If I wrote this without a keyboard, I might forget a comma or a period, or God-forbid, a dash. Drunk I WRITE LIKE THIS and could CARE LESS about spelling or PUNCTUATION and forget where I am in a sentence and end up talking about Aunt Claurice, who raised me as a child, along with several puppies, most of whom grew up to be excellent companions. I'm actually DRINKING now and it FEELS GOOD!! Did I mention I love punctuation when I'm DRUNK?? What kind of symbol is this anyway ~ ? And what does it DO??
This is the stoner speaking, and I apologize for everything I've written so far, and I intend to wrap this up, but I have some re-editing to do, so I can figure out how.
In the meantime, THANK GOD for keyboards for MAKING ALL THIS POSSIBLE!!