Mrs. God

Image by Caio Basilio via Flickr

I'm Sherri, the wife of God. You've probably never heard of me, but that's cool. I'm the one who makes sure God gets your prayers every night. In fact, I delivered one of your prayers yesterday. You said, and I quote: "If tomorrow's blog story is successful I'll be forever grateful." I hope you don't mind me telling you that God put your submission in the stack with everyone else's, so I wouldn't get my hopes up.

What do you want to know about Him (notice the capitalization?) I'm sensing that you want to know His first name. If I told you I would have to kill you. Do you have another question? The answer is No. See, you didn't even have to ask.

Let me tell you one thing: He hates beards. All future prophets, enough with the beards. More questions? Yes, He is ambivalent about masturbation. Yes, He can read, but prefers your prayers be out loud. Yes, He will use lightning on someone. Boy, you can come up with them. Yes,  Hair loss will visit you. Yes, steeples are an extravagance. Yes, periods are necessary. Yes, Fanta is disgusting. Yes, worshiping 30 minutes or more is a waste of time. Yes, foreskin removal is a relic of the past but looks a hell of a lot better.Yes, yes, yes.

Excuse me, God is calling. Nice chatting.